If the mean people in our lives were crappy 100% of the time, it would be easy to leave them. We would shrink from becoming friends with them or jump aboard the nope rocket in the early stages of trouble, and we would feel only relief when they are gone from our lives.
The problem is that very few people are evil all the time. They don’t wear villain costumes purchased at ForeverEvil. They don’t laugh maniacally and stroke their evil goatees while monologuing about their evil plans. They appear in our lives as People-Who-Would-Be-Awesome-Except-For-That-One-Glaring-Problem. They have potential to be awesome, and sometimes they are awesome, and they make us feel awesome, so we relax and let out that breath we’ve been holding in, and then BAM! They show their mean side, and we do a ton of mental work trying to reconcile the mean stuff with the awesome stuff.
Breaking up brings relief, as you lose the constant mental labor of managing the relationship AND the stress of being constantly disappointed and hurt, but it also brings grief. Shitty people who forget your birthday and give little backhanded compliments and gossip about your secrets sometimes give really good hugs, or presents, or are your favorite people to get drunk and watch figure-skating with, or were the sole witness to an important time in your life. The good times were real."
100% of the women reported physical abuse in the club.
100% of the women reported sexual abuse in the club.
100% of the women reported verbal harassment in the club.
100% of the women reported being propositioned for prostitution in the club.
100% of women also witnessed these things happening to other strippers in the club
The women in the survey reported that customers have
1. spit on them
2. sprayed beer at them
3. flicked lit cigarettes at them
4. pelted them with ice, coins, trash, condoms, room keys, pornography, and golf balls
5. hit them with cans and bottles
6. pulled their hair
7. yanked them by the arm or ankle
8. ripped their costumes or tried to pull their costumes off.
9. bitten, licked, slapped, punched, and pinched them
All of which I had experienced when I was in the sex industry as well.
Even more these are the things they’re thinking about while they’re gyrating for you -
“I daydream about nothing in particular to pass the time of 12 minutes.”
“I’m thinking about how good I look in the mirrors and how good I feel in dance movements.”
“I tell myself to smile.”
“I think about getting high and that I am making money to get high.”
“I am giving these guys every chance to be decent, so that I don’t have to be afraid of them.”
“I am filled with disdain for the customers who do not tip, but sit and watch and direct you to do things for no money.”
“I think of how cheap these fuckers are, what bills I need to pay.”
And, when they’re doing that lapdance? Again, most of the things I have felt before myself when I was working in the sex industry -
Strippers engaged in private dances reported these reactions:
“I don’t want him to touch me, but I am afraid he will say something violent if I tell him ‘no’.”
“I was thinking about doing prostitution because that’s when customers would proposition me.”
“I could only think about how bad these guys smell and try to hold my breath.”
“I spent the dance hyper-vigilant to avoiding their hands, mouths, and crotches.”
“I was glad we were allowed to place towels on the guys’ laps, so it wasn’t so bad.”
“I don’t remember because it was so embarrassing.”
Still think those women just love what they’re doing?"
"Lack of motivation" is a generally misunderstood symptom of depression. It does not mean that I sit around thinking, "Oh, I’m so depressed; why bother to do shit I don’t want to do anyway." It means not that I lack discipline, but that there is a mental disconnect between my conscious mind, which says I want or need to do X, and the part of my brain which actually initiates activity. It prevents me from doing things I would very much like to do, as well as things I need to do, rather than indicating simply a lack of interest in doing things which are not immediately rewarding.
If you want or need to go somewhere, whether somewhere you’re eagerly looking forward to going, or somewhere routine, or to the dentist for a root canal which you may be much averse to but have nevertheless decided will leave you better off in the long run, and you get in your car, turn the key in the ignition repeatedly, yet the engine sputters but does not engage, this is not an indication that you don’t really want to go anywhere. It’s an indication that something is wrong with the equipment you need to transport you there.
I am fully capable of sitting for hours, thinking periodically, “I need to pee,” then, “I really need to pee,” and eventually, “Damn, I need to pee,” before being able to jump start the part of my brain which engages with the task of getting up and walking the ten feet to the bathroom, and initiates the movement which allows me to do that.
The more complex the task, the harder it can be, because a more complex sequence of actions must be, in some sense, imagined and targeted before the actions necessary to bring them about can be initiated. Most people are unaware that this process even takes place, because in a healthy brain, it occurs swiftly and automatically. In my brain, it does not."
Probably the best description of that particular aspect of depression that I’ve ever read. At least, that’s how it is for me.
"I think it would be cool to force a chick to have sex with me–but I would never rape someone."
Junior Mathematics Major (via shitrichcollegekidssay)
Rape culture is people describing an exact definition of rape, saying that they would do it, but not calling it rape.
"I think it would be cool to take something that belongs to someone else without asking them, but I would never steal."
"I think it would be cool to do something that intentionally causes someone’s death, but I would never murder."
Part of the reason we emphasize teaching youth about rape and rape culture is that there are too many people who think there’s a difference between rape and forced sex.