I have the exact same issue ( I’m not labeled but I prefer to date women over men) and when people discover my past with rapes I endured they automatically say “ohh well that makes sense that’s why you’re into girls!” It’s incredibly ignorant. I also had a male tell me when I turned him down after getting involved with a woman “if you were ACTUALLY raped you never would have been interested in me in the first place and you would have been completely turned off by men altogether” it’s incredibly ignorant to assume peoples sexual preference stems from sexual assault and it also discredits other heterosexual rape survivors.
Yes in my city there’s something called a sexual assault centre where trained therapists deal with rape and sexual assaulted related incidents specifically, they are trained in that field. If you don’t have one in your city or state I would recommend you call the offices that have counselling services and ask specifically who would they to recommend you to talk to with issues regarding sexual assault.
Resources? Well there’s plenty of online resources out there but I always find that in person therapy is the better option.
As for what to say to her… I would let her know that it wasn’t her fault and that she isn’t weird or abnormal for only having these feelings and realizations later.
Some things hit people really hard ten years later, others an hour later it really depends on the individual.
If she’s experiencing depression and PTSD related symptoms that’s a whole other story… In that case she should look into grounding techniques.
Where when you’re having a flashback you name something you see, something you smell, and something you hear it’s supposed to help bring yob back into reality.
Also make a “happy box” put things that make her happy or make her feel good in the box, in fact it may be even better and more sentimental if you made a “happy box” for her.
Assuming you know your friend well it would be a great gesture to show you are thinking of her.
Too often people have to be their own hero’s.
You seem like a really good friend who cares about her she’s lucky to have you :) also feel free to send her to my inbox if she has tumblr.
I would be happy to listen to her and give her ” therapy” in a sense if she is not able to access in person therapy, whether it be due to costs or nerves or not being ready to talk to a professional in person.
Sometimes although I’m a fan of in person therapy, some people need to take baby steps in order to get to that comfort zone first which is perfectly understandable.
I am in no way a professional but I can promise I will care and I answer all my messages.
Hope this helps!
shouldn’t we really be giving ladies the tools they need to stay safe in the meantime after all change doesn’t happen immediately and we can’t just tell all men to stop raping and they’ll stop and yes this is unfair but maybe for now you can just keep yourself from getting raped so that we don’t have to feel bad about this?
Okay, I’ll indulge you. What’s your plan? How long am I supposed to appear outside only with an escort, carry pepper spray and keys between my fingers and a gun that I’ve paid money for and been taught how to use and self-defense training in case I can’t access the gun, wear only baggy clothes, refrain from drinking or dancing or consensual sex or anything else untoward? What’s the timeframe here? How long do I have to do this while you do the work of teaching men that I don’t belong to them? How are you going to teach them that? Where are you getting the funding for these programs? Who will teach law enforcement to take rape accusations seriously? Who will teach coaches, religious leaders, politicians, and other powerful men to stop covering this shit up? How are you going to implement mandatory consent-based sex education at all grade levels?
What’s your plan?
How long do I have to live like a prisoner in this world?"